Dial Direct
I had a professor in grad school who offered a critique of my writing that I have never forgotten.
“Laura, just dial direct.”
For those of you who have only known the iPhone, it was once impossible to make a long-distance call without the assistance of a human operator who would manually connect the caller and the destination they were trying to reach. Direct distance dialing only became possible with the advent of area codes.
So back to my writing. The suggestion to dial direct was meant to encourage me to get to the point more quickly, and to dispense with unnecessary detours or details (still working on it, Professor Pinnell).
But it’s not just me! When it comes to interpersonal communication, many of my clients confess that they struggle as leaders to be direct when their culture favors kindness. If they need to share unfavorable information with a client or deliver difficult feedback to a colleague, they often go the indirect route. They defer, delay, or detour (feedback sandwich, anyone?).
We’re afraid to say something wrong or hurtful or worse. We’re worried about what might happen if we just get to the point.
None of this is surprising if you consider that our brain (which takes its orders from our bodies) is optimized to move towards pleasure and rewards, and away from pain or threats – especially the social kind. Everything we do is subconsciously optimized for safety, connection, and respect from other people.
Something I’ve been working on with my clients is to completely reframe the proverbial “difficult conversation” as an exercise in co-discovery (to align on the issue at hand), and co-creation (to collaborate on the remedy). This accomplishes three critical things:
Safety: Reduce the threat response by designing the conversation as a dialogue instead of delivering the message as a monologue.
Agency: Invite the other person to develop and share their own insights about the situation instead of assuming you both see things the same way.
Growth: Explore common interests –professional and/or personal – as the source of the solution.
What would be possible if you could approach conversations you’d rather avoid as an opportunity for mutual learning? What if you could dial direct?